


Let me be that part of you

by FrozenHeartbeat



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, He's broken, Heartbreak Jake, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael came to aid, PTSD, Pining, Self-Harm Implied, Songfic, anxiety attack, i think, self-depreciation, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-16 09:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13633284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenHeartbeat/pseuds/FrozenHeartbeat
Summary: “You're the boy with a real nice smile,But a broken heart inside.”Michael only watched from afar, noticing how shaky Jake has been since the fire.“Give it to a girl, gave it to a girl,And I think she lost her mind.”Everyone except the squad has been avoiding him, and he has been avoiding the rest.“Are you giving up and done?Are you through with all this?Are you tired of the pain?Torn to pieces.”Didn't take long before Michael realized that, Jake is suffering, all by himself.“Can you let me try?”Michael felt uneasy. He needs to know why.





	Let me be that part of you

**Author's Note:**

> Remember that in one of my Tumblr post, I recommended a certain song for the pair? Yeah... I said fluff but it turned into angst. (I am self-projecting, I’m sorry Jake…)
> 
> Song used is, 'Prove You Wrong' by 'He is We'  
> Trying to tell how this song relates to pins and patches

“You deserve better than me.” Michael murmured, looking at Jeremy’s back as his best friend walked to the cafeteria with Christine.

Jeremy finally did it. He asked Christine out. And she said yes.

‘I guess, all I can do now is cheer him on, right?’ he thought, walking the opposite way.

Rich invited him to sit with him and his friends while observing the two new couple from afar. They’ve bonded quite well while at the hospital, and Michael still couldn’t get over the idea that he’s sitting with a group of the cool kids.

But first, he needs to use the bathroom. Too much slushy, he thinks.

He walked into the empty bathroom, walking to the stall at the end of the room. However, his steps were stopped once he walked past a stall just before the last one. He couldn’t help but turned to that stall, eyebrow furrowed in curiosity.

He could hear something from the stall. Something faint. He even noticed that the door wasn’t properly closed, assuming that whoever went in there was in a haste.

He shouldn’t pry, but he found his hand on the door, pushing it lightly.

No response, but now he heard the noise more clearly; someone’s sobbing. And that voice sounded so familiar, both of his hand pushed the door until he saw the crutches leaning on the wall.

“Jake?” he pushed the door even wider, looking at the teenager on the toilet who was hastily rubbing his face.

 _ You're the boy with a real nice smile, _ _  
But a broken heart inside. _

“H-Hey,” Jake breathed, wiping off the remaining tears on his face. “Hey, Michael.” He smiled.

Michael could see the twitch from the corner of Jake’s lip. “Are you…” Is he really going to ask this? “What’s wrong?”

Jake sniffed, sitting straight and shook his head. “I…” His eyes landed on his crutches. “I’m trying to, trying to understand this new character I got for the school play.”

‘He’s lying.’ Michael thought. It’s pretty obvious, Mr. Reyes has yet to return so there’s no play rehearsal or whatsoever. But he decided to let it slip through him, assuming that it’s not the time. Besides, who is he compared to Jake? “So, are you coming to the cafeteria?” it suddenly slipped his mouth, causing him to cringe for a second.

Jake blinked at him, head tilting to the left. A minute of silence passed as Jake finally remembers where he’s supposed to be now. “Right. Lunch.” He breathed out a chuckle. “We’re supposed to observe those two.” He snapped his fingers before reaching out to his crutches.

Michael instantly assisted the other boy, standing with the aid of those two walking sticks.

_ Give it to a girl, gave it to a girl,  
And I think she lost her mind. _

They walked out of the bathroom, heading to the cafeteria. Michael forgot why he went to the bathroom earlier but decided to just forget whatever he’s supposed to do there. He walked slowly in pace, following the boy who is limping next to him.

“You can go without me, Michael. No need to wait.” Jake said, somewhat sounded guilty. His gaze was on the floor beneath them, not looking up. “I’m super slow, right now…”

Michael shook his head. “With you only looking down, I feel like I should stay so that you won’t bump into anyone or anything.” He replied, causing Jake to lift his head. That’s when he saw a bead of tears hanging on Jake’s jaw. _Maybe he shouldn’t pull him out of the bathroom so soon…_

“Do… Do you need a tissue or something?” he stopped his track. He’s still befuddled with what’s going on. Last week Jake was begging to be released from the hospital. Earlier this morning, he was energetic despite the broken limb, willing to give Jeremy some dope advice on how to hit his ex. Now?

_ Are you giving up and done?  
Are you through with all this? _

“Why are you even doing this?” Jake gritted his teeth, eyebrows wrinkled on his forehead. His grip on the crutches seems hard, he might break it. “Why are you even here, walking to the cafeteria with me?”

It clicked in his head; it’s an attack. Michael knew how bad and random it can get cuz, even he had those episodes. What he’s not certain is, was it panic, or anxiety?

“Have you forgotten? I freaking bullied you before! Are you trying to make me feel guilty?” Jake shouted, attracting unwanted attention. “Well, congratulation, Mr. Mell, because you’ve succeeded!”

The students who were lingering in the hallway just look at the two, chattering among themselves as Jake continued screaming for no apparent reason. Feeling terrified, Michael quickly took off his headphone and forcibly slid it on Jake, pressing the speaker parts onto Jake’s ears. He was listening to some soothing music beforehand, so it should help, he thought.

Jake’s expression gradually changed, from unexplainable anger to sudden fear.

Michael brought one of his hand to his chest, moving it up and down, gesturing Jake to try breathing.

The tall teenager followed, inhaling and exhaling air as Michael moved him to sit on a nearby bench in the hallway. Michael placed the crutches against the wall, then pulling out his phone and placed it next to Jake, so that it won’t create tension on the cable chords.

_ Are you tired of the pain?  
Torn to pieces. _

They both sat there, for almost 5 minutes, calming themselves down. Michael looked around, noticing that there weren’t many students as before. He felt glad but also worried if there are any students who recorded what happened and spread it around the school.

“Sorry…” a whisper broke his thoughts.

He looked to the teenager sitting next to him, eyeing his face.

“I’m sorry, Michael.” Jake breathed, taking off the headphone and hanged it around his neck. “I don’t know what happened.” He whimpered, almost inaudible.

Michael brought his hand and slowly placed it on Jake’s back, rubbing it gently.

“****, you really should have gone to the cafeteria without me.” Jake gulped, tugging his hair. “Thanks to me, we’ve missed Jeremy and Christine first lunch together…”

Michael sighed, pulling his hand back. Does that really matter now? He can always text Jeremy to ask it goes soon. Which means that’s not the priority here, right now.

“Want to come over after school?” he asked, hands inside his hoodie pockets. “We can get stoned and play video games if you want. I know it sounds inappropriate right now, but you look like you could use some help.”

Jake’s eyes looked everywhere, searching for the right response. “Well…” he scratched his neck. “It’s been a while since I smoke weed tho…” He glanced up at Michael, eventually accepting the offer.

They both missed lunch that day.

_ Can you let me try? _

\-----

“This game sucks!” Jake yelled, throwing the controller onto the couch.

Michael snorted next to him. “You’ll get used to it eventually.” He laughed, placing his controller next to him.

It’s almost midnight. They’ve been spending the entire evening playing video games while getting stoned in the living room. They want to play in the basement, but the stairs are not safe for someone who still uses a  pair of walking aid. So, since the house is empty, they decided to just crash in the living room.

The room is dark, the only light source coming from the television.

“Wanna know what else sucks?” Jake dropped himself onto Michael’s lap, face facing the other. He crossed his arms, legs straighten out on the couch.

Michael stared at the head on his lap, trying to make out Jake’s feature. His heart is beating rather differently than usual. “What? House burned to ashes, broke two legs and all?” he replied, didn’t realize the sudden change on Jake’s face.

“That…” Jake hummed. “And how one small accident changes everything.”

_ Tell me it's all right,  
Just for one night. _

“Small accident?”

Jake nodded, well, he thought he did. “Everyone avoided me today.” He chuckled, somewhat painfully in his tone. He closed his eyes shut, continuously humming. “They avoided me because I’m homeless. They avoided me because of my legs. They-”

“I… don’t think the whole, house on fire is considered small, Jake…” Michael commented, feeling worried about Jake’s condition.

“Everyone in my life leaves me!” Jake cut in, eyes shot open. “My parents left me for years. Christine, leave me because I’m an idiot. Rich set a fire and he burned my house down, because of suicide-”

“Jake…”

“Man, I really am a jerk, am I?” he finished in tears. One of his hands combs his hair, tugging at the part next to Michael’s hand. “Everyone’s going to disappear one day, leaving me alone- and…”

“We won’t…” Michael interrupted, loosening his grip.

“… _We_?” Jake squinted, feeling lost.

_ Show you how to feel like, _   
_ What it feels like. _   
_ To be hugged, to be kissed. _

Michael repositioned himself, leaning on the couch while his eyes still locked on Jake’s. “I’m sure none of us will. I mean, Rich is still your best friend. And Christine is our friend now, right?” Michael said, recalling that one time at the hospital when Michael came to visit in the night.

They all gathered in one room, forming a circle. Rich decided to come clean and everyone decided to do the same. But a nurse interrupted them when its Jake’s turn, stating that it’s late in the night and Michael should leave and the rest should return to their respective bed. Jake was in a separated room due to his legs, and they all were discharged the next morning, so he never really had the chance to tell anything.

“Then, promise me one thing.” Jake voiced, interrupting the other boy’s thought. He brought a hand up, touching Michael’s face. “Promise you won’t leave me-”

“Of course,” Michael replied, holding the hand and bringing it down on Jake’s chest.

“I’m not finished…” the other boy sighed in frustration. “Promise me that you won’t leave me,” Jake bit his lower lip before continuing. “even after you find out the real me.”

The real Jake Dillinger?

_ Yes, I can be that part of you.  
I'll try my best. _

Jake ended up sleeping with his head still on Michael’s lap. His face seems more content compared to when he was still awake and stoned.

Michael was still half-awake, still staring down at the face on his lap, hand still clutched on the other’s, rubbing his palm. He unconsciously bowed down, kissing Jake’s forehead. After that, he took off his glasses and placed it on the armrest, shutting his eyes and tried to get some sleep, still in that position.

\-----

 _ I'm the ~~girl~~ _ boy _, I can make you smile,  
And I promise to be true._

If Michael had to be honest, he had a crush on Jake since entering high school. He also had a crush on Jeremy since middle school, and he figures that Jake is way out of reach that he decided to stick with Jeremy.

But now, since his best friend has Christine, he has been hanging out with Jake more.

Michael always finds himself inviting Jake over more frequent. This somehow caused the old feeling to resurface. Not that it’s a bad thing, but it caused his heart to ache seeing how his crush is doing right now; _always spacing out._

It’s been three months ever since. The squad still hang out together, not leaving anyone behind. But Jake is; he’s distancing himself from everyone.

“He’s, never been this quiet.” Rich voiced his concern to Michael.

They all were at the mall; a special sale was held by almost all the store there. But Jake sat by himself at the fountain instead of following any of them to any stores.

“I, don’t think I’ve seen this side of him.” Brooke supported Rich’s statement.

“You have to help him, Michael!” Jenna sounded behind Brooke.

“Eh, why me?”

“Because you’re the only one among us that Jake actually wanted to hang with since we were discharged from the hospital!” Chloe explained.

“Please Michael…” Christine pleaded, using puppy eyes as her tool.

Jeremy pulled Michael far from them, wrapping an arm around the taller boy’s neck. “Come on Mike, I know you can do it.” He tried persuading.

“Yeah, right.”

“Come on. How can you leave your crush to suffer by himself, huh?” he tried again, this time being a bit dramatic, clenching his hand to his chest while making a sad face. Jeremy’s the only one who knew about his best friend’s secret crush on the school’s former jock.

“B-But…”

“This is also your chance to hit on him.” Jeremy teased, raising an eyebrow.

Apparently, it worked because Michael instantly slapped Jeremy’s arm off him, cheek suddenly became red and his lip twitched. Jeremy can’t help but giggle at the sight.

“F-Fine!” Michael surrendered. “Bu-But I’m doing this because Jake is my friend and I’m worried about him and you guys asked me to.” He said, leaving Jeremy and walked to the nearest 7-E.

_ Give it all,  
Give until there's nothing left to lose. _

Michael walked up to Jake, holding two large sized cups of slushies that he just bought. Once he stood behind him, he pressed the cold, wet cup on Jake’s cheek, causing the other boy to jump in his seat. Michael only grinned once Jake looked up. “Hey.”

Jake smiled, taking the slushy and invited Michael to sit next to him. He stirred the drink with the straw, “You’re not shopping for anything?” he asked.

“They were out of the game set I wanted,” Michael replied, slurping his drink. He then stuck his tongue out, showing it to Jake that his tongue had changed in color. It caused the other boy to laugh, which is a relief to him.

He also noticed that Jake had been playing with the straw, not attempting to drink it. “That drink is for you.” He pointed out.

Jake flinched, hand froze. He looked at the cup, switching his glance to Michael. “I… thought this is for Jeremy?”

“No,” Michael shook his head. “It’s for you.” He assured, bringing his straw to his mouth. “Unless fruit blast is not your favorite, I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh.” Jake stammered. “Sorry, I thought this was for someone else.” He brought the straw to his mouth, hesitated to drink it. It’s not until he saw Michael nodded that he finally sucked it, gulping the drink down the throat. “Mmm,” he gasped, looking at the boy next to him.

“Is something wrong?”

“I think I found a new favorite flavor.” Jake smiled widely. “Thanks, Michael.”

Michael can’t help but giggled to see Jake’s reaction that he had to put his cup down so it won’t slip his hand. Once he stopped, he looked back up, only to be surprised seeing the sudden change of mood.

_ Don't say you're giving up and done,  
That you're through with all this. _

“Jake?” he called.

Jake seems to be lost in his world again, biting the end of the straw while staring at the floor.

“Jake.” Michael tried again, this time with a hand on the shoulder.

Jake turned his head facing Michael, looking befuddled. “Huh?”

Michael shifted himself, closing the gap between them. “Are you okay, dude?” He said. “Everyone’s worried about you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, you’ve been… quiet and distancing yourself quite often.”

“I have?” Jake tried to deny.

Michael squinted his eyes, shaking his head.

Jake gulped at the sight, quickly looked away.

_ Yeah, you're tired of the pain,  
Torn to pieces. _

Michael blinked slowly, trying to digest everything he just heard it. “Wait, so like, you were diagnosed with, PTSD?” he asked, tilting his head slightly forward.

“Hmm…” Jake nodded. “At least, that’s what the doctor told me.” He confirmed, gazed locked on his drink that’s started to melt.

Michael inspected Jake from his feet to the top of his hair. “What’s…. What’s the trigger?” he hesitated. He regrets asking that the moment it slipped his mouth because he can feel how uncomfortable Jake became.

Jake hesitated, fingers fidgeting on the rim of the cup’s cover. He bit his lower lip, eyes half-lidded. “Uh…”

“You know what?!” Michael interjected, “If-if you’re not comfortable with telling me why then… then don’t tell me. It’s okay. I-I shouldn’t bug into something you don’t want to share.” He stuttered, hands flailing all around him. He then grabbed his drink and slurped it rapidly to hide his red cheeks, only to regret it due to ten seconds of sudden brain freeze.

“M-Michael?”

“D-don’t worry. Just got brain freeze.” Michael assured, laughing nervously and fingers rubbing his temple.

“Michael.”

“Yes?” Michael lifted his head, one eye closed since he hasn’t recovered yet.

“Are you busy tonight?” Jake asked straightforward, face seem serious.

“Pardon?” nope, still hasn’t recovered.

A sigh escaped the other boy’s lip as he set his cup down. “Can I come over to your place tonight?” Jake tried again.

“Oh,” it took a while before his brain finally registered what he heard. “Oh! Sure.” Michael said, putting down his cup. “My parents are out of town and I’m planning on binging this movie series that I’d always wanted to watch. Let’s watch it together!” he invited, maybe a little too excited evidenced in his voice.

Jake giggled, somehow amused with Michael’s reaction. “Sure, I’ll bring some snacks over.”

“Eh, no need. It’s my house, so I should be the one to prepare the snacks.” Michael waved his hands.

“But, I feel bad for frequently crashing in your place. So please, let me.” Jake explained, somehow sounded innocent in Michael’s ear. _Or was it just him?_

“Jake, it’s okay. Really.”

_ Can you let me try? _

\-----

“I’m surprised that you actually did bring snacks. Now I’m the one feeling guilty.” Michael said, placing the bowl of popcorn onto the coffee table.

Jake laughed as he placed the soft drinks next to it, before taking a seat on the couch. “They’re more to untouched snacks that I forgot to eat. It’s still edible, don’t worry.” Jake explained, organizing the bags of chips on the table before grabbing a bag. He patted the spot next to him, inviting Michael to sit down.

Michael uncapped a bottle of mountain dew red before dropping himself next to Jake. The impact caused Jake to bounce, sending both of them into a laughing fit.

He then reached for the remote controller, switching the tv channel. “Heads up, the storyline can get quite heavy by the time it reaches the climax.” He warned, imitating a tv personnel.

Jake can’t help but laughed, impressed at Michael’s attempt. “Well, I can take heavy content.” He bragged. “Is that why you wanted to binge this while your parents aren’t home?” he asked, making himself comfortable.

“Nah,” Michael denied. “They’re rarely around, to begin with.” He gulped down his drink, before continuing, “Besides, I doubt they care about whatever I’ll be doing now anyway.” He noticed that the air suddenly tensed once he finished his words, making him turn to the boy next to him.

_ Tell me it's all right,  
Just for one night. _

Jake suddenly tensed at his seat, hand playing with the loose thread of his shirt sleeves.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Michael asked, hugging a cushion.

“Yeah,” Jake repeated the word at least twice, insisting he’s fine. “Let’s just watch the movie, shall we?”

Michael complied despite feeling uneasy, hitting the play button and let the movie start.

_ Show you how to feel like,  
What it feels like. _

The movie went on for an hour. There was jump scare and both of them ended up hugging for a sec before pulling away in embarrassment. There were comedic scenes and they would laugh until their stomach couldn’t take it anymore. There were sad scenes, and they both would glance at each other to see who cried first.

_ To be hugged, to be kissed.  
Be thought of and to be missed. _

However, when the second movie was played, Jake started drifting off again. He would look at the screen for a few minutes before he started to lose focus.

Michael only noticed this when he has been laughing on his own for a solid one minute. He offered Jake more popcorn and chips, to which Jake politely declined. Michael then passed him the mountain dew, to which Jake finally took it with a small smile on his face.

Michael took this as a good sign before returning his focus to the tv screen.

_ I can be that part of you,  
Let me be that part of you. _

However, in the next 30 minutes, he felt the couch shifted, realizing that Jake just got off and walked away.

“Jake?” Michael popped a popcorn into his mouth, looking at the tall boy’s back. “We’re almost at the best part.” He said, eyes not leaving him.

Jake stopped his steps, but he didn’t turn around. “I’m, I’m gonna get something from the kitchen. I’ll be back.” He said in what Michael heard as monotonous before walking to the kitchen.

10 seconds.

It hasn’t been 30 seconds since Jake left, Michael was suddenly surrounded by an uneasy feeling. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to shake that feeling off him. But it kept growing bigger. He bit his finger anxiously, hoping that it would just go away.

Until he heard a loud noise coming from the kitchen.

“Jake!” Michael jumped off the couch, turning to the kitchen’s direction. His hands were shaking, trying to figure out what could have caused that noise. It’s not until he heard a loud cry that he sprinted to the kitchen, almost falling when he rounded the corner before the kitchen’s entrance.

His eyes were wide, one of his hands covered his mouth.

_ I see that you're breaking,  
Your heart is breaking. _

Jake was sitting on his knees, hands on the floor and his head facing under him. His shoulders were jerking, fingers scratching the tiles. His jeans were wet as his tears fell on it along with the tiles. In front of him was a bottle of, whatever sauce it was, smashed to pieces and scattered all over the places.

What scared Michael the most was how there was blood, flowing from one of Jake’s wrist. He swiftly grabbed the broom near the fridge, sweeping the sharp pieces far from him. After making sure all small pieces have been swept and thrown away, he took the tissue roll on the counter and wiped the stain to the side then moving closer to Jake.

_ Here's my hand if you'll take it, _   
_ We can make it out, _   
_ Of all this mess. _

He cupped Jake’s face, forcing him to look up. His heart breaks to see how broken the other boy is; his eyes were swollen red and his cheeks were wet, hair disheveled and teeth chattering. Michael was also in tears that he pulled Jake into a hug, a hand on his head and stroking it gently.

“I…” Jake cried. “Michael I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make a mess, I…” he was almost out of breath.

Michael patted his back, soothing him down. His tears started streaming down his face, dripping on Jake’s shoulder. “It’s okay…” he whispered soothingly.

Jake shook his head, disagreeing with it. “I know I should just- move on, but,” he choked, trying to catch a breath, “I feel like a loser, Michael. A pathetic loser who, just, couldn’t move on.”

“No, you’re not.” Michael tried to fight his tears.

“Yes, I am.” he cried, burying his face into Michael’s collarbone. “I’m a mess! I’m a mess! I’m a mess! No wonder my parents left me. No wonder my best friend burned my house down. I’m a terrible person who… who… who doesn’t deserve to live in the first place!” he clenched onto Michael’s collar shirt as if he won’t let go. “I don’t deserve anything…” he whispered, closing his eyes shut.

They sat there in silence. Michael continued stroking the other, letting his own tears fell freely. Once he’s sure that Jake had calmed down, he gently pushed Jake away, eyes on the wrist with dry blood on it.

_No more stress._   
_I can be that part of you,_   
_I'll try my best._

He wiped his own eye before taking a tissue, not for his eyes but to wipe the remaining blood on Jake’s wrist. “It’s not true…” he whispered, looking up into the other’s eyes. “You… have every right to exist, and continue living.”

Jake was out of breath, blinking sadly, unable to say anything. He wants to deny, but he’s too tired to argue.

“Please, believe me, cuz I know how it feels to be useless.” Michael crumpled the tissue and threw it in the garbage can beside the fridge. “But we decide on what we should be. And I know I can survive at least till college. That’s what keeps me going.” He said, straining at the end because he knew he hid something.

Jake shook his head vigorously. “You don’t know me!” he whined, on the verge of another wave of tears.

_ Give me your heart, _   
_ I don't want a piece or a part, _   
_ I want it all. _

“I may not know the real you, but I know how to differ whether you’re being fake or not.” Michael calmly answered. “And you’re not being a fake.”

This somehow stopped Jake for a while.

“You’re amazing, Jake. Believe me in that.” Michael convinced, now holding both of their hands together. “Yes, I admit, you were kind of a jerk.” He giggled, “but that’s all in the past, okay?” he smiled warmly.

He found his hand making its way to Jake’s face, wiping off the remaining tears. “Jock or no jock, crutches or wheelchair. I’m glad I get to know _this_ Jake Dillinger.”

_ I want you to fall,  
Just a little bit. _

Jake sniffed, gulping a breath of air in his throat. He looked straight at Michael, trying to form a small smile, but the end of his lip twitched. “T-Thank you… I guess.” He breathed out. “Glad to know you too, Michael.”

_ Take that leap of faith, _   
_ If you want to, _   
_ Don't let that broken heart haunt you. _

Michael smiled, heartbeat beating faster than usual. He found himself closing the distance between them. He breathed, before pressing his lip onto Jake.

His crush on Jake has grown, that’s for certain. And he can’t bear to see him suffer all by himself. But maybe he should have asked first before kissing him on the lip.

He was about to panic with what he just did until he felt a pressure on his lip.

_Did… Jake kissed him back?!_

Jake put his hand on Michael’s neck, pushing him deeper. The kiss was sweet, wet and a little salty due to their tears, but it’s enough to make him forget. He pulled away, before wrapping his arms around the other’s neck into a tight hug, hiding his red face.

“I-I- Jake! I…” Michael stuttered, his face suddenly felt hot. “I’m sorry, I should have to ask-”

“No,” Jake interrupted. “It’s okay…” he pulled away. “F***” he gasped, covering his face with both hands. “I-I liked you since the fire incident…” his words muffled, with him slouching lower.

Michael brought a finger to his jaw, still in embarrassment. “I… I didn’t know that you’re, not… _straight_ …” he chuckled.

Jake shook his head, still covering his face. “I’m not…” he whined, “But Rich’s behavior kinda created the pressure of being too scared to come out, so, no one knows that…” he explained. “Who am I kidding, he’s not the only reason I feel pressured, it was the high school’s environment. Creating stereotypes and all.” He groaned in frustration.

_ Can you let me try? _

Michael sighed, taking Jake’s hands and forcefully pulled it away from Jake’s face, revealing how red his face is; either from breaking down earlier or the confession just now. “Is that why you’re worried to show ‘the real you’?”

Jake gulped, his pupils looking all around. “It… triggers…” he whispered almost inaudibly.

“Trigger?” Michael repeated the last word.

Jake’s hands were fidgeting, his lips also quivering. “It’s… kinda petty to me…” he stuttered, “I mean, it’s a big deal to me, but to others, it sounded… petty…”

Michael’s lips formed a warm smile cuz, damn, since when Jake gets this cute? He leaned in, planting another chaste kiss on the boy’s lips, assuring him that he’ll stay true to his word.

“I’d love you anyway.”

_ Tell me it's all right.  
Just for one night, _

Forget about the movie marathon, Jake decided to finally sit down and talked properly, and Michael respected his request.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

Jake nodded.

“How about those things that trigger you?”

“I’ll be fine, I think…” there’s doubt in his voice, but Jake decided to not focus on it.

_ Show you how to feel like. _   
_ What it feels like, _   
_ To be hugged, to be kissed. _

They sat on the bean bags in Michael’s room, facing each other. Michael snatched a large-sized blanket from his parent’s room, making sure it wrapped both of them even if they were facing each other. He also brought in snacks and drinks, and a mountain dew red, just in case.

_Be thought of and to be missed._   
_I can be that part of you,_   
_Let me be that part of you._

And Jake told Michael everything. He kept the private one hidden and Michael choose to not pry more than necessary.

Jake talked while Michael listened, that should be enough.

_ I see that you're breaking, _   
_ Your heart is breaking. _   
_ Here's my hand if you'll take it, _   
_ We can make it out, _   
_ Of all this mess. _

It gets overwhelming at some point and Jake would break down. But he decided to just let it flow, dripping on his clothes.

Meanwhile, Michael held onto Jake’s hand, rubbing circles on it. He constantly asked if he wants to stop, in which Jake just shook his head, stating he’s not done yet.

_ No more stress. _   
_ I can be that part of you, _   
_ I'll try my best. _

When he’s finally done, Michael sat next to Jake and calmed him down. Michael wrapped an arm around him, rubbing his arm gently. He gave Jake a drink to quench his thirst from all the talking.

Jake leaned his head on Michael’s shoulder, catching a breather.

“Are you okay now?” Michael asked softly, hugging him with one arm.

Jake whined, wiping his eyes. “Am I?” he asked himself, turning to Michael.

Michael smiled warmly, not letting go. He then placed his forehead on Jake’s, humming softly. “If you’re still hurt, just know that I’ll always be there for you. _Always_.” He assured.

“And if you’re feeling troubled?” Jake sounded weakly. “Look for me, okay? I’ll help with what I can.” He promised.

Both of them agreed, staying in that position till the next hour.

_ Try my best. _   
_ We can make it out of this mess, _   
_ No more stress. _   
_ I can be that part of you, _   
_ I'll try my best. _

**Author's Note:**

> Noticed the change in the lyric?  
> I never write kiss scenes before, so I'm not sure if that's good enough  
> What is proper ending tho?
> 
> Plus, if there's something wrong, please, do tell me~  
> Hope you guys have a pleasant day.


End file.
